Try The Triname System

Society - By Surekha Sule on Thursday, April 1, 2010 - 13:45

When she marries, a woman faces the hassle of changing her maiden name to that of her husband's family's. If things do not go well and the relationship breaks up, she is then faced with the necessity to change her name back again. Surekha Sule suggests the "triname" system as an alternative.

Once again the debate over women’s name after marriage is heating up after the Mumbai High Court held on February 19, 2010, that a divorced woman cannot use her former husband’s name. The husband Ramesh claimed that the estranged wife Asha (names changed as per media reports) was misusing his name and that it was an embarrassment to him. In another recent case reported alongside this case, a divorced, woman after remarriage, gave the new husband’s name to the old husband’s son. The ex-husband ran to the court objecting to taking his name away from his own son.

Kusum Karnik, an activist, retained her marital surname Karnik after divorce and also after her remarriage with Anand Kapoor. Says Kusum, “only for the purpose of Passport, I had to make an affidavit saying that I am Kusum Karnik married to Anand Kapoor….And I carry a copy of this affidavit when we check into a hotel as these days you need to provide identity proof. Ofcourse, your voter’s identity card is also enough which has your name and your husband’s name.”

Saraswatibai – born in 1904, married in 1918 at the age of 14 and widowed in 1920 – came back to her father’s home and changed her name from husband’s to father’s. So about 90 years ago, she asserted her right to identify herself the way she wishes. And today, we are still debating how a woman should be identified.

On one hand is the pro-women lobby wanting to leave it to the woman to decide how she wishes to be identified – by birth or marriage, even after divorce. On the other, traditionalists toe the line that woman should give up everything from the broken marriage including the name. However, the issue is not as simple as that. As it is, the procedure of changing name is quite cumbersome. To first change the name after marriage and then again after a divorce can be all the more trying. If the divorce follows soon after marriage, perhaps it may be bit easier to go back to the maiden name. But if children have been born in this span of married life, the changing the name gets difficult. Also if the woman gets identified by husband’s name over a long period, she may not like to change that identity after divorce. So basically, it is the question of woman’s identity than anything else that matters.

Some women choose not to change names after marriage and hence there is no question of going back to maiden name after divorce. In such cass when you fill up a form, if you write first name and surname; in the father/husband’s name column you write either father’s or husband’s name and in marital status, you write ‘married’. People go all the way to conjecture your middle name that is in the father/husband’s name column. For example, Priti Desai is daughter of Naresh Desai and married to Anil Joshi. Then, the babus make up their middle name all on their own and write Priti Anil Desai. Now how Anil Joshi could be Desai? Then traditional ists on the other hand are so fixed about addressing all married women as Mrs. So it is Mrs Priti Desai. How could she be married in the family where she is born? Or she is called Miss Desai. Why should someone decide a woman is not married? In cases like this marital status neutral system of address like Ms or Madam or Smt or Su Shri might work better .

Triname System

Perhaps all these problems will be done away with if the triname system is adopted. Over some two-three decades, I came across many progressive persons who consciously wish not to be identified by their surname that gives away their castes. Around 1980, first time I came across Lata Pratibha Madhukar who is a women’s activist, researcher and a writer in Mumbai-Pune. Lata identifies herself as daughter of her mother Pratibha and father Madhukar. And this is a constant. Nothing can change who your mother and father are, even after marriage or after divorce or ever after. This also does not reveal whether Lata was born in a Joshi or Pawar or Pradhan family which indicates her caste as Brahmin, Maratha or Kshatriy or any such. Sanjay M G, a socialist, activist and a professor in Thane, uses the initials of his parents names -- Mangala and Gopal. Importantly, this gives due importance to the mother which in traditional name system is completely neglected. Pratibha or Mangala would never have figured in their children’s traditional system of name.

Gitali – a chemistry professor and now the editor of a women’s magazine in Pune – identifies herself as Gitali P M, taking the initials of her parents after her divorce. She remarried and did not change name. She is trying to convince people about the advantage of the triname, saying how after being remarried too there is no need to change identity. Upon this, some critic opined :“Oh, then you can marry as many times as you want.”

Sushila Joshi, however, is worried that since the triname does not reveal surname and hence caste as well as gotra (the lineage within the caste) , it will be difficult during matchmaking. According to the Hindu scriptures, marriage among same Gotra is forbidden as it causes default in progeny due to high probability of the same blood type in both parents. So Sushila’s worry is how to identify that the suitors are not from same gotra if all take up the triname system! Today, blood group tests can solve this problem.

Traditionalists fear that the triname system would end family identity. Someone Deshpande or Desai in some corner of the world would identify with each other but how would Lata Pratibha Madhukar or Sanjay Mangala Gopal be identified by someone from their own clan? Perhaps Lata and Sanjay do not mind but other people adopting this system may still want to stick to their roots and cling to their branches!

There is hope for the answer in Nandan Nilkeni’s Unique Identity Project. Since everything about you is going to get recorded digitally, may be we can suggest inclusion of fields on clans, kinships and much more. A search on particular parameters would get all that you want to link up to your family, clan, place of origin and what not. We need not then draw up family trees going through the arduous process of collecting and collating information from various sources.

So what is in the name? A lot. It reveals and it hides too. But the Triname system can solve this identity crisis for women at least and free them from the painful process of changing names any time there is a change in their mar.

Surekha Sule is a development journalist and mainly writes on environment, water, gender and rural issues. She was a Senior Fellow at National Institute of Rural Development, Hyderabad and Media Fellow of Union Ministry of Water Resources.